Monday, March 20, 2017

I Hate Being a Burden

Today is day 20 of the month long writing challenge sponsored by Two Writing Teachers.  I am participating for the second year in a row and I am grateful for the support that this community provides to me and so many others living the writerly life.

I Hate Being a Burden


I am here to shovel you out.
No, I can handle it really.
Have you been out yet?  The snow is very heavy.
I know but I can do it. Besides I don't want to bother you.
Chris, stop it. You aren't a bother - I love using my snowblower.
OK

I close the door and cry - I hate be a burden

Fast forward 2 days

I think the heating problem is because the thermostat is broken. Why don't I come over and fix it?
No, I'll call the electrician.
Why?  It's easy - I'll be over next weekend.
OK.
I don't mention it again because once again - I hate being a burden.


Since becoming a widow I have had to learn to accept help. This is hard for me because many times I judge Dave would have been able to handle these little occurrences without so much fuss.  So when trouble strikes I can get frustrated and even angry.  But a few years ago a good friend told me that they too were sad about Dave's passing and offering to help was their way of honoring Dave.  Each time someone offers to help I need to remember that they are doing this because they loved Dave and miss Dave too.  

I have to let go and let others love Dave in their way.  Still I cry because deep down I hate being a burden.









6 comments:

  1. Accepting help is not a burden but expecting it and not appreciating help is. What a touching slice you shared this morning. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. What a brave post! Perhaps knowing others miss your husband deeply can be comforting that you aren't alone in those feelings.

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  3. Oh, Chris... I told myself no more comments. You are done and then I saw your title. I had to visit you. I only knew you for a short time and in a narrow way, but am convinced you could never be a burden. You taught me, mentored me and supported me from day one. It is impossible not to connect with you. I love this perspective: I have to let go and let others love Dave in their way. I plan to share it whenever the need arises. Thank you for opening your heart ...
    Clare

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  4. Wow Chris, this is a beautiful post. So full of reflection about what you need and what others need, too. Don't we all have our own ways of grieving and honoring the people we miss? I'm glad you're letting people help, and realizing that it's not about being a burden as much as it's about linking arms to feel closer to Dave. How much people want to reach out and make sure you're okay says a lot about both you and Dave.

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  5. Wow Chris, this is a beautiful post. So full of reflection about what you need and what others need, too. Don't we all have our own ways of grieving and honoring the people we miss? I'm glad you're letting people help, and realizing that it's not about being a burden as much as it's about linking arms to feel closer to Dave. How much people want to reach out and make sure you're okay says a lot about both you and Dave.

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